i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Randomize
