In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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