woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize