He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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