I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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