What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
