Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
