if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
