do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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