I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
