I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
