Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
