i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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