we have officially lost it.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Randomize
