He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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