Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
