When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
