I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
