just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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