i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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