Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
