He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
