We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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