Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
