Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
