I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
