Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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