Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
