Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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