I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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