someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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