wrigley field is MILF paradise
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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