and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
