i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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