It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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