This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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