i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
there is puke in my bra ... again
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