My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize