hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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