weddingsv make me drug and hornr
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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