great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
