Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
