what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
