It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
