when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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