fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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