so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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