ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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