is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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