i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
