I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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