Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
