Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
