There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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