I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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