im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
