I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Randomize
