I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
