I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
im holly from the hills drunk
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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