thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Sorry about my life...
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
