I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
