So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
