Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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