I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
