I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
