My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i used baking grease as lip gloss
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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